Always Be Prepared
by yukiislikesnow
Summary: 5 times McCoy had a hypo for that, and the 1 time he had to make do.


5. Only Jim would walk around all high and mighty, not a care in the world, without knowing what the hell he's allergic to. He's allergic to so many damn things he should have an allergy alert chip imbedded in his forehead.

But because I'm a doctor I come prepared. I had a feeling he might be allergic to bees. Sometimes I hate being right, but the look he gave me after I jabbed him in the neck did make me feel better.

4. Of all the people! Chekov! Pavel Ande-whatever Chekov, who by the way changed his name from Pasha, got into trouble on an away mission. I thought that kid was nothing but big eyes and big brains. But no, go and insult his precious Russia and the kid turns into a damn warrior.

Threw a punch at the local medicine man. He threw a poison dart. After that mission to Orion I've carried a few anti-coagulant hypos. Damn good thing too. That kid makes even the most serious announcements just a little bit funny.

3. Note to self, make Sulu's next physical hell. As the CMO of this crazy ship I should be the first person everyone goes to when they aquire a new hobby. Anything and everything on this ship can turn dangerous. It's like space is just out to get us.

Sulu came flailing into Sickbay at 0200 this morning. He'd tasted a fruit off of one of his new plants. Paralized the left side oh his body. Stuck him with some muscle relaxant and sent him on his way. But I was in the middle of a great dream! So his next physical, I'm makin' our resident 58 year old nurse give him a prostate exam. A thurough one.

2. Christine Chapel, there's a nurse you want on your staff. Experienced, calm, shrewd, and not afraid of a little gore. Down right efficient too. When we were fixin' up Jim after his newest brush with death she stuck herself on a needle full of antibiotics.

When her throat closed up she just reached into my hypo pack and pulled out some epinepherin and fixed herself up. Then jammed her hands right back into Jim right next to me. Best nurse in the fleet.

1. Jocelyn says I forgot about them too much. Forgot to spend time with them. Forgot about Joanna. Bullshit. A father never forgets his little girl. And when I finally got some shoreleave I went straight to see her. Took her to a carnival. I bought her a jumbo cookie.

I'd already given it to her when I noticed the small sign in the booth. 'Peanut butter in all batter.' I had the hypo in her neck before she even swallowed. Bought her some cotton candy instead, and the whole time she ate I yelled at the owner for not having a bigger sign. She thought it was funny.

0. I can't always be with Jim when the shit hits the fan, and Spock's my next best bet. Hostile locals. Lots of them. We can't use phasers or it'll break our Prime Directive, so we're stuck running from blowdarts and arrows. Spock gets hit but he doesn't say anything so I let the hobgoblin keep runnin', it's not like I can stop here and treat him anyways.

But once we do stop I notice something's seriously wrong. He's holding his side and he was less cooridnated near the end of our escape. "Doctor, I belive the darts contained a poison."

"I can see that ya greenblooded hobgoblin. I'm a doctor!" Spock gives me a look and I know it must really hurt, whatever the hell it is.

"I belive it is slowing my heartrate doctor." Shit. My tricorder says his heart rate just needs to get a jump to get his rhythm back to normal. I don't have any adrenaline to give his heart a boost. What's the quickest way to get a guys heart pumping?

"Spock...I need to heart to start working hard. I don't have the hypo I need. So we're gonna have to be creative."

"I trust you doctor." I don't say anything, because what the hell could I say. 'I'm gonna screw you for your health?' I lay Spock down and turn him on his stomach.

"The quickest way I can figure it is to have sex. That should get even your heart pumping."

"That...is a good assesment doctor. I am not adverse to the idea." Well I'll be damned. I pull his pants off and use a tube of burn cream to loosen him up. Once he's stretched enough I lube myself up, there's no time to wait and be gentle. His heart's slowing down.

I set a fast pace, rough, hard, nothing I would have done with Jocelyn. He's grunting and I reach around to make sure he's aroused at least. He is, even rutting against my hand. Well I'll be, Vulcan's really are hotblooded. I put my other hand against his side to feel his heart. It's pace is increasing.

By the time he comes his heart rate is back to normal.

"Thank you doctor."

"This never leaves the cave, I'm a doctor not a manwhore."

______

Seriously, I realise that last one sounds like a scene from Crank, but not only have I never seen that movie, I was honestly just thinking of how sex could actually be a relevant cure.


End file.
